The funeral of a loved one

This past week has been very trying. We have tried to create a warm and caring funeral for a mother whom her children really didn't know or seemed to understand what was driving her life. I tend to think about what it will be like when my parents pass away and can't fathom or even want to think of it because of the feelings of sadness, emptyness from the lack of love that I would be missing that they provide me with. I understand that all of Joyce's children have not really bonded to her and that is so utterly heart breaking for me. Because what is a mother but someone that you can feel is providing comfort, a safety from the outside world, hugs and kisses and chicken soup (or instant breakfast,) when you are sick, or a feeling of support for all that you want to do in your life. I know that this is what my mom does for me! (By, the way, I love you mom and dad!)

I feel such remorse and emptiness for the way that Joyce's funeral went. There were not tears of sorrow, (except for maybe Gabe,) personal stories of memories from her children, a mere 10 minute personal snapsis of her childhood (not from her brothers or sisters- but from a member of her old ward.) There was not going to be any sort of musical performance (except for the congregation hymns,) until I said that the grandkids could at least sing 'I am a child of God."

How can a person who has lived for 71 years leave and not seem to have had an impression on anyone. That is just so sad for me to fathom! All I know I can do is help my children to remember the grandma that wrote letters to them, sent them a stick of BIG RED on their letters so that they knew that she loved them. I believe that out of all my children, Devin will miss her the most (and maybe out of all the grandkids except maybe Cindy's kids,) since they had such a great penpal type of thing going with his baseball stories. That is what I am going to help my children remember!


Joyce's funeral. All of her boys (except for Gary, who was in Washington D.C. working at NSA, and Jeff who just didn't show up or seem to care.) carring her to her final resting place. Interesting to note that Matt is the tallest one in the background and maybe the most affected (besides Cindy,) by the passing of his mother.

Red roses
Joyce loved the color red, she would have enjoyed these. And I am sure that she enjoyed them up in Heaven.

I am thankful to Diana for driving up from Provo in the rain to share her support with our family. I was very nice to spend time with her and Kira.

Diana and Kira at Joyce's funeral.