musings...

So last night Matt and I go to his dinner and show night for the Utah City Manager's Association. He set up all the catering with our local catering company (Santa Clara, that is.) He also rented the St. George Musical Theater for their performance of The Scarlet Pimpernel! What a fabulous show! I have never seen the movie but, had heard that it was great,so I was expecting great things because of that and because we know so many of the actor's that were in this play but what I really enjoyed the most were all these manly men, who were our friends that were dressed in "frou, frou," and pastels. I don't think I have laughed that hard for ages!

But the big part of the night for me was the environement. We are standing waiting for dinner and I am in awe with this man that is standing to the left of me. Who is he, where did he come from? He has so much knowledge on all the topics that we are discussing, you can tell by the others that are talking to him that he is respected and looked up to and is in the circle of "Want to knows," and I'm still wondering, where in the world did this man come from? I feel a little out of place but I listen, I smile, I giggle at a few of the really stupid jokes that are told and then, all of a sudden, I really take a good look and low and behold yes, this man is still my husband, but I am in his world now, and I don't even have a clue as to when he changed from Matt to Matthew J. Brower, Santa Clara City Manager (could have been while we were in the parking lot, kind of like Clark Kent turns in to Superman?) Wow! What a transformation! It is such an amazing feeling to know that he is my husband and I am so proud of who he is and what an exceptional person he has become!

I know that I tell Matt this all the time, but I am still amazed that we live the life that we live. Are we the same kids that felt like we were "playing house" when Devin was born? Are we the same kids that were broke for so long that we couldn't see the end of the tunnel where the stress of stuggling and the breaking even while we were going deeper and deeper into a hole each month would disappear? I am so blessed in so many ways and I don't for the life of me know how I deserve it all. And yet, I still feel incomplete, no, not incomplete, that isn't the word that I am looking for but... maybe not so informed and up to the same level that Matt is (or should I say, Matthew J. Brower,) Some times I feel as if that side of his life, I don't fit into and it pains me. What can I do to climb to that heighth? Where do I begin! I just don't know. I guess that I am realizing that my kids are getting older, they will soonerthan later be leaving our house and I am not sure what I am going to do with myself as an "empty nester."

Matt will always have his high powered meetings, hit the door running sort of job and where will that leave me? I guess this is one of those things that probably all women who love men with jobs like Matt's wonder about when the kids are raised and gone,(I wonder if my mom ever thought like that? Since my dad was in a job like Matt's too,) but I guess last night really hit it home for me.
Yes, I coudl be like some of the wives I met last night,whose kids are all gone and married, who spend the day shopping, golfing or doing frivolous things and also not so frivolous things like charity work and committees,and yet, I don't think that I would be satisified with the frivoulous part of that life for very long, I would want more than being a "princess." Hey, don't get me wrong, I would love to be a princess for a year or too and not do anything but shop and be pampered, but it would get ikesome after awhile. So, I guess this is one of those things that gets prayed about, studied out and when it hits me than I will run with it!